Birthday Party

One thing I have realized through this journey of Mom-tography… is that the more of a hand that I have in your life – the more my images reflect me and not you. So I have really been trying to take a backseat role as your find your way, discover your style and build your own beliefs about who you want to be. I still hold tight to a few guidlines – One of the main ones is a mantra we say to each other as you head out to another day at school…”lead with a kind heart” – as my own heart knows that mean girls are just around the corner. I remember how it felt when faced with the mean girls… and I will do what I can to protect you from that. But other then that and a few in-home responsibilities – I try and allow you to be in control of your life. So when I asked what theme you wanted for your birthday… I saw you struggle… at almost 6 – you couldn’t figure out anything other then you wanted a gymnastic party. You casually mention maybe a Monster HIGH theme – which I found odd – since we have never watched that show – nor do you have any of their toys. .. and then in the wee hours of the morning – a time when my brain should be sleeping yet it was unfortunately running through my “to-do list”… it came to me… when I asked myself “who is Emerson”?.. I heard in a loud voice emerge from my sun-conscience…EMERSON LOVES Donuts…. That was it.. I excitedly told you when you woke up and the idea was met with excitement.. and a little drool. So I had 4 days to figure out how to make this a donut theme party. I pinterested my way through the plans and on party day – and when it was all said and done – You had the best 6th Birthday Donut Party Ever… and as I marveled in what I could only surmount as the best party we have had – I realized that this was the first party – where as a Mom – I felt complete. I was no longer desperately fighting to build my family. My family was here and I was able to really be present in the moment and bask in the joy of your 6th Birthday Party.










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A couple of months ago you asked to cut your hair really short. In fear that you didn’t really know what that meant – or maybe in fear that I knew what that really meant – I let you cut a couple of inches off and we went on our merry way. BUT today – as we spent the last day of you being 5 together – I looked at you and I haphazardly asked if you wanted to go get your haircut. Your eyes lit up and with a resounding “YES”- you then screamed “I want it really short!!!” As we drove to the salon (the real salon) – I thought about how important this haircut was for you. As I watched you dance around the salon – so excited to be there. As I watched you sit so very still in the chair and then as I watched you start making silly faces. I thought to myself- just how empowering it is to have your haircut. As someone who, in my twenties stuggled with my own identity – I used my hair as my voice. My voice of rebellion, my voice of strength, my voice of courage. Through Short hair, Red hair, curly hair – each phase my hair became the voice of change for me. So how fitting it was to allow you at 6 to have a voice in your own hair – and in your own life.  I will spend my days as your mom -determined to raise you to be empowered by your voice and not by your hair.




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The Last Ride

For as long as she could talk she has asked to go on the carousel ride. Yet as we walked by it today – she didn’t mention it. I casually ask – “do you want to go on the carousel ” – and she said “not today”. After 30 minutes of saying in the best shocked mom voice…”I can’t believe you didn’t want to go on the carousel – she relented. After she picked her favorite horse and rode around and around – she decided to give away her last two tokens to two other little kids waiting to ride. It was as if she was passing off the Baton of childhood. Tomorrow she is 6 – so today I enjoyed every last ounce of 5… and what I believe the last of our carousel rides.

ashley sheehan - this brought a tear to my eye.. my oldest daughter turns 6 in a month, and she also loves the carousel. Saying goodbye to childhood – seeing small glimpses of that often.
Great post.

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