Shooting in another country wasn’t just mildly uncomfortable. It was, in fact, very, very uncomfortable. I felt awkward and silly as I stammered out the words “Photographia Por Favor”. See this is the first time I have done something like this.. in another country… by myself. Ok- So I was technically in the country with friends, BUT I did take the golf cart out by myself on the last morning to do something that I have wanted to do for years. Document a world far different from my own – through my lens, my eyes and my heart. I was scared since I had never done it before – but I knew I had to do it by myself. If I had taken my friend with me – my vision would have been different. As I started to drive the golf cart toward the little town filled with shops-I was faced with the following choice. I could go to where it would be easy where locals are everywhere – expecting tourists to be taking photos OR I could do something crazy and head into where the locals lived, which is exactly what I decided to do. I took a deep breath – and put the golf cart into drive.
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I know it sounds silly – but I was so nervous. Outside of the fact that I knew very little spanish and knew that I would have to speak to the locals – I was more nervous about the lingering cloud of doubt that hung over my head ” What if nothing inspired me to shoot?” I know first hand that heading into a new environment is like T.S.O – TOTAL STIMULATION OVERLOAD. Digesting the environment where everything can seem like an opportunity. This opposed to really seeing the moment that is more then just a snapshot taken by an eager “phoTourist” – yep… just coined that word- a tourist who thinks they are a professional Travel Photographer – which was totally me. I then remembered the advice that I had given my son a couple of weeks ago. See – my son has hemophilia and he needs to learn how to infuse himself- This means learning how to not only stick a needle in his own arm but he also need find the vein in order to get the medicine into his system. The problem is – For the last 11 years – Hayden has looked away while he was receiving his infusion – so imagine how hard it is to now have to look at your own arm, stick a needle in it AND find a vein. So – my perfectionist of a child was looking at the objective the entire scene of sticking the needle and finding the vein – So I said .. “LOOK – your only objective is to learn how to get the needle into your arm – Once you conquer that fear – then lets conquer hitting the vein.” This may seem like an odd correlation – but it was my own personal a-ha moment which allowed me to take a deep breath. I didn’t really need to capture anything … just going out there by myself – without relying on a friend to keep me company while I did something so outside of my comfort zone… well – heck that was enough. So I took a deep breath – and started to make my way out of my world and into theirs.
Here are the things I learned:
- Thank god I remembered more Spanish from my high school years then I originally thought. You want to go shoot in another country – you better know a little of the language. Great phrases to know – “Can I take your picture?” – “How old are you?” – “What is your name?” – “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” and “THANK YOU”
- I decided to bring my 24 – 120 mm lens as it gave me enough versatility to capture what I wanted to capture. I had to be quick with my settings… and that was hard as well as I was shooting at high noon. Composition was tough – because you don’t have a ton of time to capture the shot.
- This isn’t street photography – they don’t know who I am – and they deserve to be asked permission to take their photos. Many said yes… and a few said no. I appreciated the ones that said yes and admired the ones that said no. They live in poverty it isn’t something to be exploited – their lives are hard. I respect them for the lives they live and for how little they need to be happy.
- I didn’t walk away from this experience empowered or strong – I felt overwhelmed with emotion and to be quite honest a ton of anxiety. I was there for 2 hours and I believe to document their culture accurately and to capture them through honest eyes – I need to be there for much longer. I need them to trust me in a way where they feel comfortable to let down their guard.
Photography didn’t just open up a passion – it has opened up my eyes and my heart in a way that I could have never imagined. I see things and feel life in a way that can not be explained through words but instead it can be explained through my images. I am not the best, I am not the most popular and I am far from being famous. You will not see me rocking the latest photography trend or hashing the coolest hashtag just to be seen. I don’t crave any of that – as that is not what drives me to keep shooting. What propels me forward is the way I feel when I capture something that is real.
I have learned a lot from this personal experience. I know that these images are not perfect – but I can say – without a shadow of a doubt – I am more proud of these images then of any other ones that I have taken throughout my photography journey and that means everything to me.
** images below are intermixed from the entire trip – of things I saw and emotions I felt.
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On our First night out into town – I saw this mom with her 3 kids and I was entranced. She looked tired – worn down as she sat on her stool and her two oldest danced around. I said”Photographia Por favor” as I started to snap.. and she said “no” with an abrupt shake of her head. I I wanted more.. I needed more…I was mesmerized by her life. Each night we went into town – I couldn’t take my eyes off of her and her kids. I couldn’t imagine what it felt like to be her…You will soon see… I wasn’t willing to give up.
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We walked out of the restaurant at the same time she was closing up her shop and I just couldn’t help snapping just something…I don’t care that it was out of focus. It means so much more to me then just a perfect photo.
So the images below are my first attempt and taking something outside of where the shops were. We were at the grocery store and the way this new dad looked at his baby girl would have stopped anyone in their tracks… or maybe it was because I was missing my babies – but while the girls picked up more snacks..I picked up this sweet family. It was the first time I even tried to talk to the locals. This are not great photos.. but they are my first attempt at shooting a stranger. I always tell Hayden…
“The difference between a Master and a Beginner.. is the Master has failed more times then the Beginner has ever tried.” – Thanks Pinterest for that little diddy – Love reminding Hayden on days that seem harder then others.
The images below are from one of my last days on the island. Where it was just me, my camera and the locals.
Hey … there is me.
Here is the peptio perro – – He and his buddy barked so loud, as if I wasn’t nervous enough, I literally almost pooped my pants. Considering we were in Mexico – you can imagine that isn’t hard to do.
And yes, that is a dog pooping… given the statement above… It seemed appropriate.
I didn’t want to seem invasive so I was sure to ask permission when shooting children. Guess what happens when you shoot children… they look at the camera as if you screamed – cheese.
So thats what I did.. I took their photos as if they said cheese and then showed them the picture…”muy bonita” I said.. and she smiled even bigger.
as I walked back to my cart.. slightly defeated – wondering how would I get photos… if everyone was just going to pose for me….and then I turned around and saw something real – him smiling as he watched me walk away.
{Insert the photo I didn’t have the heart to take} As I got in my cart to drive away from taking the above images – I saw a young man severly blind and disabled crawling on the sidewalk with a diaper on. It broke my heart in a way it had never been broken before. It felt wrong to document something that was so tragic, so raw and so very real. Taking that photo – yes.. would stir emotion in anyone looking at it – but what else would it do – Nothing.. nothing else. I didn’t have the courage to take that image because it felt wrong to capture someone else’s devastating and heart-wrenching reality.
I don’t know why I was shocked to see that the children went to school – It seemed as if school would be the furthest things from their mind as they struggled merely to put food on the table. I obviously know nothing about the real world. School represents hope to these children and I get that now.
Here are some kids who were playing what I thought was basketball -so as I tried to ask them I pretended I was shooting at the hoop at which point they appeased my naive nature and took a couple of shots towards the hoop – and then went back to what they were actually playing – which was kickball.
So the lady I photographed below was working in her shop right across where we were all eating lunch. While the girls chatted – I saw this mom loving on her sweet baby so I picked up my camera – zoomed in an captured a couple of shots – pretty soon she looked up and noticed I was taking her picture yet she didn’t seem to mind – so I just kept snapping.
As we left the restaurant – I told the girls to go ahead to the cart. I was going to tell this mom”Gracias” since I could tell she knew I was taking her photo from the restaurant. As I mumbled through some Spanglish – she just kept loving on that baby of hers – so I just kept snapping.
and then this happened… I saw the lady – with the 3 kids sitting in her shop. I smiled.. and just had to stop. I went in and proceeded to sit on the floor with the girls – who started to rummage through my bag of souvenirs that I had purchased for the kids. None of those items mattered to me – being able to just try and have a conversation with the mom and her kids was enough. I spoke in very bad spanish… and then asked one more time …”photographia por favor” this time she said yes. I smiled and showed her all the images… and when she started nursing her 3rd – I asked for permission again….she blushed and kind of shook her head – But I said “It’s beautiful” and so she let me. I tried so hard to snap a few images all the while still being present with the kids and the moment.
Oh yeah – I gave he my lipgloss too… Barbie pink isn’t even my color.
Luckily I have some awesome friends who didn’t leave me to fend for myself in Isla Mujeres. I still have no idea how they found me… but they did and then they got a make-over too.
In the end there were so many more photos ,so many moments that I wished I could have captured as I watched them pass me by – But I also knew I needed to put my camera down on this trip , hang with the girls and put my passion on the sidelines. I know that as my children get older – I will have time to start exploring the world on my own terms and in a way that continues to move me as an artist. I still have so much more to learn about this type of photography – but while I wait for the next opportunity to travel – I have decided to make a list of the places I want to go someday and brush up on my language skills.
Tammy - You got some really great shots! I enjoyed looking/reading through them. I was in Isla years ago and loved it. Great idea to document some everyday life there. I think the images of the grandmother with the buckets on the porch were my favorite, though I enjoyed them all!
Jennifer - Liz…your words and your photographs are just beautiful! Don’t underestimate your talents!! You connect with people and that shows in these images! Good for you for doing something I wouldn’t have been brave enough to do.